You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
