i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
