every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
