just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
