I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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