He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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