i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
