i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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