We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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