You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
