He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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