it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.†\nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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