am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
