My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
