since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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