I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
