drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
