im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
