So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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