Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
