Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i out mim tonsoeep
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
