i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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