i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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