the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
