wakey wakey hands off snakey
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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