Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize