Don't you send me to vm
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
