Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize