I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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