He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
