i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I deserve this hangover.
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