to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
