What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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