A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
