I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
