Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
