the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
