I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
