I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize