U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
