people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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