I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize