My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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