watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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