Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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