come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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