im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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