Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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