I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
