Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
