are you still at the devil's house?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
