so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
