I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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