You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
