Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
