I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize