I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
