'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I understand Curling. That high.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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