She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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