What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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