So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
