there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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