Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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