I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
