I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
