My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Congratulations! We have a period
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